Milton Jones: Goodbye Melbourne!

Our guest blogger, UK comedian Milton Jones, shares his final thoughts on Melbourne. He’s been in town to perform his self-titled show, which ends this Sunday, as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

It’s been a month of little surprises. Early on, I found a huge purse outside the new H&M but it was way too heavy to lift. Then I came across three thin men with briefcases, frozen solid at the corner of Swanston and Bourke. Strange – I thought it was quite warm.

Giant purse outside GPO

Giant purse outside GPO

Still, I’ve enjoyed the air-conditioning on my face each evening as I’ve trod the boards of this well-run festival. In truth, audiences have been similar to at home in the UK – rowdy with a short attention span at weekends, quieter during the week.

The city has been a breath of fresh air too. There’s a sense of bustling industry, which seems to drive up the quality of everything, from transport to food. Tram rides to the beach and glimpses of sunshine make this an almost ideal environment for an itinerant jester. (Plus I’ve had my family with me who have disappeared into the cafes, skate-parks and shops). Then there were the long-lost relatives who popped over from ‘Tazzy’ to see us.
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On the other hand, how is it that sparrows get into most restaurants here? I mean it’s not wrong, just unusual. Especially as I’ve heard some people have a problem with asylum seekers here. Still, if I know anything about Australia – ‘Everybody needs good neighbors, and good neighbors can become good friends.’