Winter is coming, and so is the final season of Game of Thrones on 15 April! Which Melbourne bars would the characters we love or love to hate hang out in while taking a break from Westeros? What cocktails would they choose? Follow in their imaginary footsteps before they all die horribly, and murmur ‘valar morghulis’ as you raise a glass. (That’s ‘all men must die’ in High Valyrian in case you’re more into cocktails than GoT!)
Everyone’s favourite wandering queen would enjoy taking a break at Glamp, the bar decked out like a glamorous safari tent. Here Daenerys could remember better days camping with her hot hubby, Khal Drogo, while sipping on a Happy Glamper. This fruity gin-and-Prosecco cocktail and some Berbere spiced fries would bring back her sunny desert smile for a while.
Where better for the ever-mournful-looking Jon to drown his sorrows than Mjolner Melbourne. Decorated with handcrafted knives, shields and drinking horns, this Viking-themed restaurant-bar is reminiscent of his old home on the Wall, Castle Black. What cocktail to have with that venison loin or roast bone marrow? The Fog of War, or perhaps a Dragon’s Breath in honour of his lover and secret aunty, Daenerys, Mother of Dragons.
This beautiful, regal redhead needs somewhere stylish. It has to have a few different, dimly lit levels too, because this romantic teen turned steely-eyed plotter has lots of layers. Welcome to 1806, Sansa. Choose from the ground level lounge, the hidden balcony, or the basement function room for secret scheming. Some smoked salmon pâté and a Red Snapper cocktail, m’lady? Or the Leave No Trace in memory of your husband who went to the dogs?
Tyrion used to delight in knocking back too much wine in bawdy taverns. These days, he’s more thoughtful and discreet, so would surely gravitate toward Melbourne’s tiniest bar. Tucked down a lane off an arcade, with standing room only for 10 patrons, Bar Americano is ideal for quiet, grown-up chats. He’d appreciate the short, evolving menu of classic cocktails – especially the bitter sophistication of a Negroni.
She’s got so good at getting out of tricky situations that we think Arya would get into Trapt Bar & Escape Rooms. Whether it’s the Alchemy, Prohibition, Wizard of Oz or Space challenge, she’d soon blitz it and be in the bar. Maybe drinking a Dark Side of the Moon apple pie moonshine cocktail while reminiscing about all those bad guys she’s put to the sword.
While he would have headed for swanky bars during his glory days leading the Kingsguard, Jamie’s a serious chap now. For sure he’s always been a whisky man, so you’d find him in the shadows of Whisky and Alement. Here it’s all about the world’s finest drops rather than being seen. The Kingslayer would brood over a wee dram and some salted nuts, or a classic whisky cocktail like the Old Fashioned.
This killer queen loves lording it over everyone – and watching for enemies – from on high at the Red Keep in King’s Landing. So on vacation she’s going straight for establishments with height, as well as the luxe standards of home, like The Lui Bar. Here on the 55th floor, Cersei could keep her scheming mind sharp with a Vodka Pour Over made with Five Senses coffee. Perhaps really indulge with a chocolate soufflé too.
He’s spent the past couple of seasons having visions under a massive magical tree, so Bran would dig StoryVille. With storybook-inspired cocktails and decor, including giant mushrooms and an indoor tree, this bar sure beats fleeing the White Walkers. He’d probably choose a cocktail inspired by Alice’s trippy adventures in Wonderland, like Through the Looking Glass or Down the Rabbit Hole. They’re made for two – appropriate for a guy who psychically inhabits other bodies.
Brienne of Tarth
This no-nonsense warrior has to be a pint-of-ale-at-the-pub kind of woman. So we recommend North Melbourne’s no-nonsense Town Hall Hotel to Brienne. She could relax into its welcoming indie-rock vibe, from live music to memorabilia, with a parma or steak sanga. Maybe get so relaxed she upscales that beer to a Bloody Mary. She’s seen so much actual blood she probably needs one.
Happiest when he’s in a big old library with his nose in a book, Sam would love the State Library of Victoria. When it’s time for a break, he only needs to step downstairs into The Moat Bar & Cafe in the bluestone basement. This bookish bloke would surely fancy The Bard, a cocktail of Pimm’s, spiced rum, gin and orange, perhaps with smoked trout tartlets.
Please drink responsibly.